How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
ERMA BOMBECKThere is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Success is outliving your failures.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
ERMA BOMBECK