Every puppy should have a boy.
ERMA BOMBECKI read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
ERMA BOMBECK