Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
ERMA BOMBECKIt is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
ERMA BOMBECK