When humor goes, there goes civilization.
ERMA BOMBECKSuccess is outliving your failures.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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He who laughs lasts.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
ERMA BOMBECK