Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
ERMA BOMBECKSuccess is outliving your failures.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
ERMA BOMBECK