I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
EMO PHILIPSI picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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Computers aren’t intelligent, they only think they are.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, how are you going to get into the corners?”
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.
EMO PHILIPS -
You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.
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Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, “we’ve never had a democrat in the family before”.
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I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, “I am a bulemic”.
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I’ve always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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People come up to me… concerned… that I’ll reproduce.
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So I’m at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
EMO PHILIPS