My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
EMO PHILIPSI picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.
More Emo Philips Quotes
-
-
All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
EMO PHILIPS -
You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.
EMO PHILIPS -
I’m not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?
EMO PHILIPS -
The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
EMO PHILIPS -
They have a sign at the beach, “no glass bottles”. I think that’s so the other sand particles don’t feel like underachievers.
EMO PHILIPS -
People come up to me… concerned… that I’ll reproduce.
EMO PHILIPS -
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
EMO PHILIPS -
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don’t know I’m only using blanks.
EMO PHILIPS -
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
EMO PHILIPS -
I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.
EMO PHILIPS -
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
EMO PHILIPS -
Interviewers always used to ask me about my pageboy haircut, and it drove me nuts: it almost made me suspect that there was something strange about it. So I cut off my pageboy.
EMO PHILIPS -
You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers…damn anthropologists.
EMO PHILIPS -
Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
EMO PHILIPS -
When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.
EMO PHILIPS