You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
EMO PHILIPSWhen I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother’s hip replacement. Because, you know… You break it, you buy it.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.
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I’m filthy stinking rich – well, two out of three ain’t bad.
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I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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I’m not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, “we’ve never had a democrat in the family before”.
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I don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I’m seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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I’m learning Cuban. It’s like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don’t have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way.
EMO PHILIPS