My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn’t be home until a certain hour.
EMO PHILIPSOnce I posed nude for a magazine. I’ve never been back to THAT newstand.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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Interviewers always used to ask me about my pageboy haircut, and it drove me nuts: it almost made me suspect that there was something strange about it. So I cut off my pageboy.
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My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
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My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
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Now there’s a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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I’ve been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I’m pleased to say I’ve won.
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I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
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New York’s such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, “I’d like a card.” He says, “You have to prove you’re a citizen of New York.” So I stabbed him.
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I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.
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One man’s pet-stained carpet is another man’s Twister game.
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I’ve learned that you can’t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they’ll panic and give in.
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Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?
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I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
EMO PHILIPS