black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.

Bob Saget

Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don’t eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?
BOB SAGET

Men Saw Son Yelling
Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you’re the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
BOB SAGET

Enjoy Masturbation Public
I have no agenda, nothing to control.
BOB SAGET

Agendas Control Nothing
My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.
BOB SAGET

Dad Escape Humor Kind Study Stuff
What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone’s ringing a lot more and I’ve got nine lines so when it doesn’t ring, it’s very frustrating.
BOB SAGET

Lines Phones Trying
Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I’m going back to bed.
BOB SAGET

Creativity Day Kindness New
They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?
BOB SAGET

Closer Enemies Say
And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You’d be nervous too if you knew that one day you’d get your head cut off and… filled with stuffing.
BOB SAGET

Bird Country Cutting People
I have a feeling I’m going to wake up one day and say ‘I can’t do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.’ I’ll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.
BOB SAGET

Anymore Dirty Laughing People Stuff
What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
BOB SAGET

Car Girlfriend Kitchen
I like to approach every day like it’s my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.
BOB SAGET

Body Morning Red
Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.
BOB SAGET

Four Letters Matter
The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
BOB SAGET

Squirrels Way Yards
I’m doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it’s fantastic and it makes me very happy. I’m dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I’m working on a new tv show for cable and it’s not set up yet.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Dirty Nuts Show Shows Television
Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?
BOB SAGET

Girl Met Reasonable Told
I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?
BOB SAGET

Doe Doors Nuts

I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bob Saget Quotes