Sometimes I wish I hadn’t said something foolish. It is then that I realize the power of mime.
BOB SAGETJon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you’re the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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Yet there are some people – Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he’s a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I’m doing it right now and you all seem bored.
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I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.
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I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don’t want to make fun of people.
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I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?
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I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them
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What I’ve learned about comedy people is that they’re defined by the harshest level they’ve been to, their personal Auschwitz.
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At the end of the day it’s the end of the day.
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Most people argue over who’s right, not about what the truth is.
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When a normal 17-year-old girl storms out of the house or 15-year-old boy is mad at his mom or dad, they’re not talking the way people talk on TV. Unless it’s cable.
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I wouldn’t hurt a flea. I’d finger a spider though.
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I don’t like to drink alone ’cause there’s nobody to fight with.
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I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
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It’s smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.
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Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.
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When you’re famous, you’re always famous. It doesn’t go away.
BOB SAGET