It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don’t tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o’clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
BOB SAGETJon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you’re the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone’s ringing a lot more and I’ve got nine lines so when it doesn’t ring, it’s very frustrating.
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They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?
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I wouldn’t hurt a flea. I’d finger a spider though.
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The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously – accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you’re basically working in front of them during what could’ve been specifically ‘quality time.’
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I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn’t get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn’t join a biker club.
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People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.
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I’m doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it’s fantastic and it makes me very happy. I’m dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I’m working on a new tv show for cable and it’s not set up yet.
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A lot of the comedians don’t even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
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I love my mom! You can too for $12!
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I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
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Most people argue over who’s right, not about what the truth is.
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Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.
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I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they’re really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I’m not laughing.
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I have no plan except to take care of the people I love.
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When a normal 17-year-old girl storms out of the house or 15-year-old boy is mad at his mom or dad, they’re not talking the way people talk on TV. Unless it’s cable.
BOB SAGET