I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
BOB SAGETI just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
BOB SAGETIt’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.
BOB SAGETThere are no I’s in we but there are two i’s in Wii.
BOB SAGETMy wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.
BOB SAGETThink well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.
BOB SAGETThe secret to raising children is to love them… And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.
BOB SAGETPeople do what they do to each other and they feed on it.
BOB SAGETAt the end of the day it’s the end of the day.
BOB SAGETA good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.
BOB SAGETA lot of the comedians don’t even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
BOB SAGETMy mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.
BOB SAGETI don’t feel like I’m with you. And I say, You know what? That was your mother’s gripe, too. And she was right. And you’re also correct. When you cop to something, you get to the next level. In this case, the next level is: I just learned something from my twelve-year-old.
BOB SAGETMy dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that’s how he dealt with my mom.
BOB SAGETI wouldn’t hurt a flea. I’d finger a spider though.
BOB SAGETMet a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?
BOB SAGETThe squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
BOB SAGET