If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn’t respect that.
BO BURNHAMWomen are like fingers and toes because they’re easy to count on.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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Because I see that as a crutch sometimes and I want to know that I can do something funny and worthwhile without that. And also make a show that my parents would like and that kids could watch with their parents.
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There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
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The world doesn’t need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers – the world needs more you. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Do you guys like impressions? “Why?” That was Socrates.
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All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
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I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
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I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
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People do complain about the way I act on stage… They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.
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It’s not most important to communicate myself on stage as it is to be as funny or interesting as I possibly can on stage.
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I love you just the way you are but you don’t see you like I do. You shouldn’t try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.
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I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer
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I’m a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
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For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.
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I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.
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I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.
BO BURNHAM