The average person has one Fallopian tube.
BO BURNHAMWomen are like fingers and toes because they’re easy to count on.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
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Laughter is the best medicine, y’know, besides medicine.
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Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.
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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
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Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.
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My persona on stage was always coming from a place of I know better than you and I’m going to be a little bit pretentious in your face with these sort of crass ideas.
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For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
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I think comedy has a range, with multiple peaks in different areas. It’s like trying to compare Beethoven and the Beatles. Sometimes I hear from people, ‘I think you try too hard in your comedy.’ And that’s what I worry about.
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I’d really love to make something that doesn’t involve my stupid face.
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If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.
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“Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?” I don’t worship comedy; at the end of the day I don’t fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.
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What’s that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I’ll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.
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The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.
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We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving – turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.
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For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: ‘I’ll say anything, man!’. I’m not quite there yet.
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