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I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

Bo Burnham

Quotes are for dumb people who can’t think of something intelligent to say on their own.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor Intelligent
Was Einstein’s theory good? Relatively.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor Theory
Love is all about… whistles.
BO BURNHAM

About Love Whistle
You love the people that give you money and attention? Of course you do, that’s not selfless that you love your fans, that’s ridiculous.
BO BURNHAM

Attention Love Money Ridiculous Selfless
Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
BO BURNHAM

Isquaring Numbers Thirteen
I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.
BO BURNHAM

Belief Funny Humor
Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
BO BURNHAM

Anything Book Good Pussy
I never felt like I was stealing anyone’s fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.
BO BURNHAM

Comedian Fans People
The biggest danger, for me, with making yourself your act is that a lot of people with think they know you for better or worse. That’s an ongoing struggle with me and it can get really trippy sometimes.
BO BURNHAM

Strong Struggle Thinking
How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I’ve got a cousin who is 18… Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.
BO BURNHAM

Believe Cousin Gay
I’m not a grown up until everybody realises I’m a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.
BO BURNHAM

Dirty Grow Kids Song
My persona on stage was always coming from a place of I know better than you and I’m going to be a little bit pretentious in your face with these sort of crass ideas.
BO BURNHAM

Faces Ideas Littles Persona
They must have some special kind of cereal!’ My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.
BO BURNHAM

Fame Idea Mind Special
I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor School
I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone’s watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.
BO BURNHAM

Hate Love Person Reality Thinking
For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
BO BURNHAM

Fifteen Funny Humor

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

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I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

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