I got a safe full of cherries ’cause I pop it and lock it.
BO BURNHAMWhen things [writing] are over, I always think, ‘well, I’m never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I’m going to go be a farmer’. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won’t happen.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
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Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don’t.
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We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving – turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.
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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
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I’m happy with what I’m doing. I try not to focus on how I’ve changed. I just try to focus on what I’m doing now.
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I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
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I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
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For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
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People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.
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For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.
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I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
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My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that’s a lovely addition.
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I’m also wary about the fact that if you don’t proceed with caution and understand what you’re doing, you understand these things are realities that you’re dealing with, they’re real things.
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Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
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The average person has one Fallopian tube.
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