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At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.

Billy Crystal

Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.
BILLY CRYSTAL

News Puck Puff
Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Country Funny Humorous
Two thousand years ago Jesus is crucified, three days later he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Celebrate Children Easter Guess Jesus Peep
I started examining history and then everything related to the theater. History, art, all the other studies, if I could link them into the theater, then it became alive for me. It just opened up my eyes.
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Eyes History Open Related Started
There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do. Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
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Big Clothes Difference Mostly
Bambi, to a kid, was scary.
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Comedy Kids Scary
When comedy is good, it’s jazz. The beats of it, the looseness, the improvisational part, the music-the way you hit the inflection, the high notes of a joke. It’s all melody to me.
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Art Comedy Way
I’m a sucker for a free tuxedo.
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Country Free Life Sucker
Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
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Being Funny Sex Sexy Single
I’m going to go on just living and laughing and loving.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Goes Laughing On
What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.
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Frustrating Life Over Starting
From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that’s what I had to do.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Ghouls Saws Sids
At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Bases Nightly Something
Don’t give up your power.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Don't Give Up Giving Up Power
If you do something for the first time, you will always remember it. If your Dad has something to do with it, you write about it.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Dad Father Respect
I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Father Introducing Kids Producer Years

At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.

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At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.

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