I’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.
BILLY CRYSTALYou really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
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That’s the thing about jazz: it’s free flowing, it comes from your soul.
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What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.
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I’m married – I’ve caught my limit.
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I love doing it [hosting the Oscars] because I love the danger of it and you have to come through and think on your feet.
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Two thousand years ago Jesus is crucified, three days later he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.
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I’m a sucker for a free tuxedo.
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Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I’d always go off book and start improvising.
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[I did impressions] of relatives because I heard so many different sounds. My dad was in the music business and of course my uncle was a giant [music producer], but my dad in particular had the house filled with these Dixieland jazz stars.
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My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.
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It’s money. I remember it from when I was single
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The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.
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When comedy is good, it’s jazz. The beats of it, the looseness, the improvisational part, the music-the way you hit the inflection, the high notes of a joke. It’s all melody to me.
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I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.
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Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.
BILLY CRYSTAL