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I’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.

Billy Crystal

When I’ve gotten criticism, it’s that it’s too long, too soft, didn’t hit the government hard enough. Then when I do hit the government, they go, What’s he doing hitting the government?
BILLY CRYSTAL

Criticism Government Long
I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Hands Sex Two
I’m married – I’ve caught my limit.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Caught Limits Married
I have 40-something intros [that Davis Jr. did]; all are different, none of them happened. And it was hilarious.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Different Happened Something
There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Kids Nice Thinking
We were in front of a live audience and I would be acting with the man who was playing my lover, and we used those words, and the audience would titter and laugh, and make me uncomfortable doing the scenes. …
BILLY CRYSTAL

Audience Front Growing Men Self Used
Change is such hard work.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Change Inspirational Work
I can’t be funny if my feet don’t feel right.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Feels Right Feet Humour
Nobody is more truthful when he’s acting than De Niro.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Acting Comedy Truthful
I’m a sucker for a free tuxedo.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Country Free Life Sucker
Bambi, to a kid, was scary.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedy Kids Scary
I think when I feel I’m at my best is when I’m on stage, and it’s my version of jazz because it’s just riffing or something.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedy Jazz Thinking
You give up your dream, you give up.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Dream Giving Vision
It is better to look good than to feel good.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedian Feel Good Looks
I always came away thinking “I’d like to see her more,” you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be cast, we thought – Bette [Midler]. So we called her.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Guidance Now Then Thinking
When we had the girls, my daughter Jenny gave us like a Bible from my daughter of, “Don’t feed them this; don’t feed them that, if she says this, don’t say that,” It was crazy!
BILLY CRYSTAL

Crazy Daughter Girl

I’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.

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I’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.

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Popular Authors

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