I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.
BILLY CRYSTALI’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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It’s money. I remember it from when I was single
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Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
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At 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.
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I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.
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The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.
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Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.
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Nobody is more truthful when he’s acting than De Niro.
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When I’ve gotten criticism, it’s that it’s too long, too soft, didn’t hit the government hard enough. Then when I do hit the government, they go, What’s he doing hitting the government?
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I’m a sucker for a free tuxedo.
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Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.
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I’m going to go on just living and laughing and loving.
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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
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That’s the thing about jazz: it’s free flowing, it comes from your soul.
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I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.
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If you do something for the first time, you will always remember it. If your Dad has something to do with it, you write about it.
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