Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.
BILLY CRYSTALI’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
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Change is such hard work.
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When I’ve gotten criticism, it’s that it’s too long, too soft, didn’t hit the government hard enough. Then when I do hit the government, they go, What’s he doing hitting the government?
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I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.
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A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.
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What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.
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Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.
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I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
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I love doing it [hosting the Oscars] because I love the danger of it and you have to come through and think on your feet.
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Nobody is more truthful when he’s acting than De Niro.
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Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I’d always go off book and start improvising.
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Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
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We were in front of a live audience and I would be acting with the man who was playing my lover, and we used those words, and the audience would titter and laugh, and make me uncomfortable doing the scenes. …
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Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
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It’s money. I remember it from when I was single
BILLY CRYSTAL