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I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.

Billy Crystal

My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Fun Grandchildren Grandparent
You give up your dream, you give up.
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Dream Giving Vision
There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
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Kids Nice Thinking
I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Father Introducing Kids Producer Years
At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
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Bases Nightly Something
I have 40-something intros [that Davis Jr. did]; all are different, none of them happened. And it was hilarious.
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Different Happened Something
When we had the girls, my daughter Jenny gave us like a Bible from my daughter of, “Don’t feed them this; don’t feed them that, if she says this, don’t say that,” It was crazy!
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Crazy Daughter Girl
Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
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Country Funny Humorous
If you do something for the first time, you will always remember it. If your Dad has something to do with it, you write about it.
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Dad Father Respect
I never stopped believing in us and I never felt like I was wanting for anything, except for my father, and that was not going to be. I describe in the book [that] I don’t think I ever felt young again in that way.
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Believe Book Father
Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.
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Clothes Differences Looks
Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
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Golden Problem World
It’s money. I remember it from when I was single
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Financial Funny Money
That’s why that show, no matter who hosts it, it really should be a fast-thinking comedian who is really quick on their feet that can handle situations that happen, or somebody with that kind of mentality that can capitalize on something.
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Comedian Host Mentality Situations Thinking
At 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.
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Remember Same Things
Kids need a happy household. They need to be loved and supported in their dreams. And I don’t think you can make your kids’ dreams your own. They need you to support them in their dreams.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Dream Kids Thinking

I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.

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I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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