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Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.

Billy Crystal

I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Baseball Country
Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Clothes Differences Looks
My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Fun Grandchildren Grandparent
I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Fifth Grade Growing Height
When I’ve gotten criticism, it’s that it’s too long, too soft, didn’t hit the government hard enough. Then when I do hit the government, they go, What’s he doing hitting the government?
BILLY CRYSTAL

Criticism Government Long
From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that’s what I had to do.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Ghouls Saws Sids
What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Frustrating Life Over Starting
At 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Remember Same Things
I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Hearing Noise Scared
It’s money. I remember it from when I was single
BILLY CRYSTAL

Financial Funny Money
I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Father Introducing Kids Producer Years
That’s the thing about jazz: it’s free flowing, it comes from your soul.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedy Jazz Soul
Kids need a happy household. They need to be loved and supported in their dreams. And I don’t think you can make your kids’ dreams your own. They need you to support them in their dreams.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Dream Kids Thinking
Two thousand years ago Jesus is crucified, three days later he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Celebrate Children Easter Guess Jesus Peep
A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Couple Laughing People
When you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to commence as quickly as achievable.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Life Realizing Rest Want Your

Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.

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Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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