Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
BILLY CONNOLLYPeople die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Don’t work out, work in.
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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If you give people a chance, they shine.
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
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Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
BILLY CONNOLLY