Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
BILLY CONNOLLYPeople die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
BILLY CONNOLLY






