The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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Try to live in a place you like.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
BILLY CONNOLLY