As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
BILLY CONNOLLYPaddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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If you give people a chance, they shine.
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
BILLY CONNOLLY