I don’t aim to offend.
BILLY CONNOLLYIf you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
BILLY CONNOLLY