I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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