A fart is just your arse applauding.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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I’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
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Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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