I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
BILLY CONNOLLY