black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.

Billy Connolly

There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
BILLY CONNOLLY

People Records Thinking Years
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Love Marriage Wedding
Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Empowerment Psychics Thinking
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Blow Make Think Thinking Useless
I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Childlike Growing Mean Thinking
If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Havens Heard Rumours
As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Reserves Successful
So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Humor Sexy
I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Drinking Ideas Stills Stop
I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Clothing Hate Rain Sexy
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Lone Music Witty
I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Britain Europe Thinking
When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Accident Alright Funny Humor Thanks
I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Big Fan Fans Home Rottweilers
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Funny Humorous Witty
A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Offending People Religious

There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Billy Connolly Quotes