A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
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There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
BILLY CONNOLLY