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I don’t aim to offend.

Billy Connolly

I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Firsts Guy Minute Movie Stars
If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Hammers More
I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Fog Singer Voice
I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
BILLY CONNOLLY

About Always Children Comedy Country
People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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Around Dies Normal People
The more you know the less the better.
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Better Knows Less More
The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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Apparently Men Race Sex Women
If you give people a chance, they shine.
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Giving People Shining
A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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Balanced Drink Hands Wells
Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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Comedy Euthanasia Fame
Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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Book never People Trust
Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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Children Nice Wife
Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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Fraudulence People Pomposity Sometimes Thinking Water
I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
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Audience Differences Offended People You
I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Huge Love Simply Thinking You
I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Britain Europe Thinking

I don’t aim to offend.

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I don’t aim to offend.

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