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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.

Billy Connolly

I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Friendship Glasgow Hands Suits
I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Believe Jesus Teacher
Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Children Nice Wife
didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
BILLY CONNOLLY

Club Magazines Number People Radio Station
I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Big Fan Fans Home Rottweilers
I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Believe Book Care Film Movie
I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arses Laughing Pose Say Years
Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Cowardice Language Politically Correct
I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Days Reinvents Two
I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Fog Singer Voice
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
BILLY CONNOLLY

Baby Delivery Funny Humor Paddy Probably
There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Anything Comment Figure Matrimony
Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Gently Looks Sideway Tread
A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
BILLY CONNOLLY

Brother Funny Girlfriend Mine
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Afterward Comedy Looks Nuclear
If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Humor Jesus

I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.

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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.

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