Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
BILLY CONNOLLYAmerican sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
BILLY CONNOLLY