I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
BILLY CONNOLLYAmerican sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
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Don’t work out, work in.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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