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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

Billy Connolly

When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Accident Alright Funny Humor Thanks
As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Reserves Successful
Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Anywhere Caverns Funny Humor Out Seen Tacks
The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Needs People Round Swings Thinking
Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Jobs Jon Tell Workplace
There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Auditorium Fine Line Offened Tread
Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Answers Guy Mountain
If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Hammers More
I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Citizens People Represented Thinking
I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Firsts Guy Minute Movie Stars
I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Breaking Girl Heart Thinking Worse
I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Clothing Hate Rain Sexy
Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
BILLY CONNOLLY

Fire Forests Tree
Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
BILLY CONNOLLY

International Language Music Sorry Swear
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Funny Humorous Witty
I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Documentaries Glasses Hate People

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

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