I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
BILLY CONNOLLYI used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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I’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
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Don’t work out, work in.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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