A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
BILLY CONNOLLYWell, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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Don’t work out, work in.
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I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding’s a mystery to me now. You can’t go back, your life changes every day.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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