Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
BILLY CONNOLLYI loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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I don’t aim to offend.
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
BILLY CONNOLLY