I don’t aim to offend.
BILLY CONNOLLYI don’t aim to offend.
BILLY CONNOLLYThe human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
BILLY CONNOLLYNever trust people who’ve only got one book.
BILLY CONNOLLYNever run with scissors or other pointy objects.
BILLY CONNOLLYI don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
BILLY CONNOLLYScottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
BILLY CONNOLLYSometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
BILLY CONNOLLYIt seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
BILLY CONNOLLYDid your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
BILLY CONNOLLYI set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
BILLY CONNOLLYWhen you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
BILLY CONNOLLYLearn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
BILLY CONNOLLYThe more you know the less the better.
BILLY CONNOLLYI hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
BILLY CONNOLLYKilling a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
BILLY CONNOLLY