There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
BILLY CONNOLLYI was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
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I’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
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If you give people a chance, they shine.
BILLY CONNOLLY