Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
BILLY CONNOLLYI decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
-
-
I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
BILLY CONNOLLY -
When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I don’t aim to offend.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLY -
As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
BILLY CONNOLLY