Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
BILLY CONNOLLYI don’t think I’ve ever died on stage. I’ve had jokes that died on stage. I’ve told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn’t know it was the end of the joke.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
-
-
It’s my mind, and I reserve the right to change it as often as I like.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Don’t work out, work in.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
BILLY CONNOLLY