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We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

Bill Watterson

[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.] Susie: Hello? Calvin: Hi, Susie! It’s me, Calvin! I was wondering if you’d like to come over and play. Susie: Why, sure! Boy,
BILL WATTERSON

Dad Letting Mom Wondering
County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that’s the problem.
BILL WATTERSON

Definitions Desk Library Needs Reference
That’s the whole problem with science. You’ve got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.
BILL WATTERSON

Problem Science Trying Unimaginable
It’s psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I’ll get a saw.
BILL WATTERSON

Lobotomy Needs Saws
You know, there are times when it’s a source of personal pride to not be human.
BILL WATTERSON

Humans Pride Source
Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes.
BILL WATTERSON

Loopholes Pubbawup
MOMMMM, I’m thirsty… What’s this, just water?
BILL WATTERSON

Mom Thirsty Water
Calvin: Dad where do babies come from? Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions. Calvin: I came from Sears? Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart – almost as good and a lot cheaper!
BILL WATTERSON

Assembly Baby Cheaper Dad Light Sears
There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.
BILL WATTERSON

Clever Funny Time
The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive.
BILL WATTERSON

Detours Motivational Truth
I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.
BILL WATTERSON

Refuse Wonder World
In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.
BILL WATTERSON

Long Memories Outside School Successful Term
I’ve been interested in cartooning all my life. I read the comics as a kid, and I did cartoons for high school publications – the newspaper and yearbook and soon. In college, I got interested in political cartooning and did political cartoons.
BILL WATTERSON

Kids Publication School Yearbook
We don’t devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
BILL WATTERSON

Funny Inspirational Science
I’ll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big.
BILL WATTERSON

Autopsy Bigs Mouths People
Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win! Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh!
BILL WATTERSON

Really Running Stupid
So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they’re already met?
BILL WATTERSON

Esteem Expectations Secret Self
When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.
BILL WATTERSON

Fun Giving Hilarious
God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.
BILL WATTERSON

Accomplish Funny Life Motivational Nothing
Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.
BILL WATTERSON

Bad Helping Mood
Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce. Calvin: We need more special effects and dance numbers.
BILL WATTERSON

Dance Hard Maybe Number Special Tell
Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.
BILL WATTERSON

Acid Failing Tests
Reading goes faster if you don’t sweat comprehension.
BILL WATTERSON

Faster Reading Sweat
The way Calvin’s brain is wired, you can almost hear the fuses blowing.
BILL WATTERSON

Brain Hobbies Way
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
BILL WATTERSON

Battle Disrespect Drama InterAction
I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.
BILL WATTERSON

Liked Thing Understand
Now if a joke is in bad taste or it’s not funny, okay, that’s awhole different thing, but how you craft a joke is really what the writer’s job is, and I don’t think that technique should be subject to any editorial constraints.
BILL WATTERSON

Craft Different Editorial Joke Taste Technique

We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

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We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

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Popular Authors

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