“You know, there are times when it’s a source of personal pride to not be human.”

It’s a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it’s light out.

I tell you all this because it’s worth recognizing that there is no such thing as an overnight success.

Leader, bandits at 2 o’clock! Roger; it’s only 1:30 now-what’ll I do ’til then?

One of the jokes I really like is that the fantasies are drawn more realistically than reality, since that says a lot about what’s going on in Calvin’s head.

We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well guess what, I get F’s!!!

It’s psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I’ll get a saw.

I don’t think you’ve ever invited me to… Calvin’s Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvin’s Mom: You’re contagious! You can’t have anyone over to play!

I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that’s even worse

Reading goes faster if you don’t sweat comprehension.

Scientific Progress goes boink?

At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you’ll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.

[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.] Susie: Hello? Calvin: Hi, Susie! It’s me, Calvin! I was wondering if you’d like to come over and play. Susie: Why, sure! Boy,

Calvin: Look, a dead bird! Hobbes: It must’ve hit a window. Calvin: Isn’t it beautiful? It’s so delicate. Sighhh… once it’s too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is.

That’s the whole problem with science. You’ve got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.

Science is the best thing humans beings have ever come up with. And if it isn’t, science will fix it.

You know, we’re all human beings, and we’re not made to be alone.

The human brain doesn’t come with an instruction manual.

History is various and sinuous and no essential part of the human spirit is ever wholly absent from it.

Human beings disappear; their histories remain.

I know that human beings are capable of anything.

how absurd human beings are and how magnificent.

Humans are alive, therefore life must be complex.