“I don’t care a straw for your newspaper articles, my constituents don’t know how to read, but they can’t help seeing them damned pictures.”

You will do well to cultivate the resources in yourself that bring you happiness outside of success or failure.

Animals aren’t conditional about friendships. Animals like you just the way you are. They listen to your problems, they comfort you when you’re sad, and all they ask in return is a little kindness.

It’s a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it’s light out.

I tell you all this because it’s worth recognizing that there is no such thing as an overnight success.

Leader, bandits at 2 o’clock! Roger; it’s only 1:30 now-what’ll I do ’til then?

One of the jokes I really like is that the fantasies are drawn more realistically than reality, since that says a lot about what’s going on in Calvin’s head.

We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well guess what, I get F’s!!!

It’s psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I’ll get a saw.

I don’t think you’ve ever invited me to… Calvin’s Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvin’s Mom: You’re contagious! You can’t have anyone over to play!

I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that’s even worse

Reading goes faster if you don’t sweat comprehension.

Scientific Progress goes boink?

At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you’ll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.

[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.] Susie: Hello? Calvin: Hi, Susie! It’s me, Calvin! I was wondering if you’d like to come over and play. Susie: Why, sure! Boy,