Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce. Calvin: We need more special effects and dance numbers.
BILL WATTERSONI asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.
More Bill Watterson Quotes
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From now on, I’ll connect the dots my own way.
BILL WATTERSON -
Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
BILL WATTERSON -
Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery – it recharges by running.
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Like delicate lace, so the threads intertwine, oh, gossamer web of wond’rous design! Such beauty and grace wild nature produces… Ughh, look at that spider suck out that bug’s juices!
BILL WATTERSON -
My problem is that I don’t paint ambitiously. It’s all catch and release – just tiny fish that aren’t really worth the trouble to clean and cook.
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It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.
BILL WATTERSON -
A box of new crayons! Now they’re all pointy, lined up in order, bright and perfect. Soon they’ll be a bunch of ground down, rounded, indistinguishable stumps, missing their wrappers and smudged with other colors. Sometimes life seems unbearably tragic.
BILL WATTERSON -
Calvin: Dad where do babies come from? Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions. Calvin: I came from Sears? Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart – almost as good and a lot cheaper!
BILL WATTERSON -
If you can’t win by reason, go for volume.
BILL WATTERSON -
I’m learning skills I will use for the rest of my life by doing homework…procrastinating and negotiation.
BILL WATTERSON -
You will do well to cultivate the resources in yourself that bring you happiness outside of success or failure. The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive.
BILL WATTERSON -
Animals aren’t conditional about friendships. Animals like you just the way you are. They listen to your problems, they comfort you when you’re sad, and all they ask in return is a little kindness.
BILL WATTERSON -
Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend.
BILL WATTERSON -
The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.
BILL WATTERSON -
I’ve got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
BILL WATTERSON -
I think of football as a sport the way ducks think of hunting as a sport.
BILL WATTERSON -
In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.
BILL WATTERSON -
I try to make everyone’s day a little more surreal.
BILL WATTERSON -
In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive.
BILL WATTERSON -
Every time I’ve built character, I’ve regretted it.
BILL WATTERSON -
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
BILL WATTERSON -
I like maxims that don’t encourage behavior modification.
BILL WATTERSON -
I would turn out rough idea after rough idea, and he would veto eighty percent of them. I pretty much prostituted myself for six months but I couldn’t please him, so he sent me packing.
BILL WATTERSON -
As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever.
BILL WATTERSON -
Calvin: ME TARZAN! KING OF JUNGLE! Suzy: Nice underpants. Does your mom know you’re over here like this? Calvin:…I don’t think Jane EVER said that to Tarzan.
BILL WATTERSON -
It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.
BILL WATTERSON