“I’d hate to have a kid like me.”

What state do you live in? Denial.

I think comics overall would be better. I think there’s a tremendous potential to be tapped.

There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink

Boy, there’s nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.

Everyone knows that! Hobbes: I’m looking it up. Calvin: You do, and I’ll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js! Hobbes: What’s your score for ZQFMGB? Calvin: 957.

I’ve got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what’s cool.

Calvin: Life’s a lot more fun when you aren’t responsible for your actions.

The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive.

I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man’s destruction of forests. . . .

I hope some historian will confirm that I was the first cartoonist to use the word ‘booger’ in a newspaper comic strip.

Barney’s Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a plan when his dad said “Eat your peas.” Barney shouted no and ran Barney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellar Barney’s Mom never found out where he’d gone, Cause Barney didn’t tell her. T

As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever.

Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

I’ve been interested in cartooning all my life. I read the comics as a kid, and I did cartoons for high school publications – the newspaper and yearbook and soon. In college, I got interested in political cartooning and did political cartoons.

Calvin: Dad where do babies come from? Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions. Calvin: I came from Sears? Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart – almost as good and a lot cheaper!

My kids listen to everything because I listen to everything, so it’s not far-fetched to hear them playing Metallica and then playing A Tribe Called Quest or N.W.A.

A soldier’s life revolves around his mail. Like many others, I’ve been able to follow my kid’s progress from the day he was born until now he is able to walk and talk a little, and although I have never seen him I know him very well.

I was always the fastest and strongest kid in my school so events like the 100 meter and discus throwing attracted me.

I have always been an avid bike rider. Even before I became an avid bike rider, I was an avid bike stealer when I was a kid. I am very educated on bikes.

There’s an honesty in our family – my kids and I are able to talk about things without me putting the fear of God into them.

There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.

Everybody. Somebody would just stick their head in the door and say, “He sounds too Jewish.” Or, “He’s too tough, he’s off-putting. You gotta seduce kids, not scare them out the door.”

I say to the grownups, if you want to deny evolution and live in your world, that’s completely inconsistent with the world we observe, that’s fine. But don’t make your kids do it. Because we need them.