Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
BILL MAHERWomen cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.
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Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
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Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
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I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
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If you believe that the world is going to come to an end – and perhaps any day now – does it not drain one’s motivation to improve life on earth while we’re here?
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
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Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
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I don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
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In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
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Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
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Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
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They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
BILL MAHER