To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
BILL MAHERTo a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
BILL MAHER -
What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
BILL MAHER -
The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
BILL MAHER -
The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
BILL MAHER -
I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
BILL MAHER -
The “Power of One” is a slogan–not a goal.
BILL MAHER -
If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you Pope.
BILL MAHER -
At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
BILL MAHER -
Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
BILL MAHER -
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
BILL MAHER -
Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.
BILL MAHER -
I don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
BILL MAHER -
When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, ‘I want to help you get teeth.’ Why does that make me an a**hole?
BILL MAHER -
When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
BILL MAHER -
Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
BILL MAHER