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I…am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light…in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required.

Bill Hicks

Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that’s why you giggle the first hour.
BILL HICKS

Cow Mushroom Thinking
When you’re…stepping over a guy on the sidewalk…does it ever occur to you to think, ‘Wow. Maybe our system doesn’t work?’
BILL HICKS

Doe Guy Occur Thinking Work
What does an atheist scream when they come?
BILL HICKS

Atheist Come Scream
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
BILL HICKS

Everything Funny Humor Life
I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I’d get pulled over by the cops, I’d be so drunk I’d be out dancing to their lights thinking I’d made it to another club.
BILL HICKS

Embarrassing Light Men Thinking
I don’t identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.
BILL HICKS

Future Historically People Several
I’m a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Two
…love rather than fear…this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope…surely there is hope for us all.
BILL HICKS

Philosophy Radical
How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? …Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
BILL HICKS

Jobs People Vote
When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor People Two
I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.
BILL HICKS

Bullying Creative Ideas Revolutionary
But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It’s no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.
BILL HICKS

Miracle Sex Wonderful
I don’t do drugs anymore… than, say, the average touring funk band.
BILL HICKS

Average Funny Humor
I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That’s faith in action folks! You know he’s got God on his side.
BILL HICKS

Funny Glasses Humor Mobile Seeing
You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day”. Yeah, looks like He rushed it
BILL HICKS

Believe Creation Eye People Real
Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
BILL HICKS

Chicks Jerk Knows

I…am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light…in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required.

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I…am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light…in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required.

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Popular Authors

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