Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
BILL BAILEYHow many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
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I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
BILL BAILEY