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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.

Bill Bailey

Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
BILL BAILEY

Belief Funny Happened Humor
This shed does not contain me.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Shed
Contentment is knowing you’re right
BILL BAILEY

Contentment Knowing Right
I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Magazine True
But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
BILL BAILEY

Country Funny Humor Shootest
Work hard, save and live within your means.
BILL BAILEY

Hard Mean Save Work
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
BILL BAILEY

College Jobs Thinking Time Whole
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
BILL BAILEY

Admire Funny Humor Hurt Ikea
Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
BILL BAILEY

Contentment Happiness Knowing Someone
I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
BILL BAILEY

Ducks Funny Humor Strict
Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
BILL BAILEY

Littles Stupid Three
Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
BILL BAILEY

Males Pubs Three
Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
BILL BAILEY

Fighting Funny Humor Message Pineapple Stupid
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
BILL BAILEY

Door Funny Humor Jobs More
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Rocks Whine
Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
BILL BAILEY

Clubs Fashion Marijuana

In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.

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Popular Authors

In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Bailey Quotes