Work hard, save and live within your means.
BILL BAILEYTonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
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I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
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I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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