The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
BILL BAILEYOrchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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This shed does not contain me.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
BILL BAILEY