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I’ve learned That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

Andy Rooney

I’ve learned, That love, not time, heals all wounds.
ANDY ROONEY

Healing Love Myself Time Wound
Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
ANDY ROONEY

Enjoyment Growth Television Watch
I’d be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn’t believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don’t think it does.
ANDY ROONEY

Acceptance Believe Myself People Religion Thinking Willing
Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
ANDY ROONEY

Hunter Old Word
If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.
ANDY ROONEY

Date Deserve Internet Meet Murder Yourself
Conservatives are more religious than liberals–although there is no evidence that they’re nicer people because of it.
ANDY ROONEY

Conservatism Liberal Nice People Religious
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
ANDY ROONEY

Happiness Life Strike Yourself
The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
ANDY ROONEY

Big Bookstore Diet Eat Yourself
I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
ANDY ROONEY

End Fast Learning Myself Paper
Civilization means conforming to a standard of behavior that may not seem natural to us.
ANDY ROONEY

Behavior Civilization Confirm Natural
The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
ANDY ROONEY

Class Person Room World
Go to bed. Whatever you’re staying up late for isn’t worth it.
ANDY ROONEY

Bed Later Stay Worth
I’ve learned. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you more.
ANDY ROONEY

Hurt Learning Person Planning Yourself
I’ve learned, That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
ANDY ROONEY

Bitter Happiness Learning Myself
Unfortunately, propaganda works.
ANDY ROONEY

One Liner Work
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
ANDY ROONEY

End Live People Remember Teacher

I’ve learned That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

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I’ve learned That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

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