There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
AMBROSE BIERCESaint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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