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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Ambrose Bierce

Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Ambition Himself Name Patriot
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Body Man Ocean World
Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Beautiful Belief Optimism Ugly
LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Law Oneself Skills
Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Company Interior Laughter Noise
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Children Cold Compassionate Feeling Love Mom
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Care Civilization Government Intelligence Ourselves Reward
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Advantage Affair Interest Principle Private
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Belief Body History Invention Original People True
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Disguised Patience Virtue
Perseverance – a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Average Perseverance Success Virtue
Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Appearance Art Color Fools White
Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Assasination Harmony Instrument
PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Contrast Fall Sense
Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Ambition Death Desire Enemy Friendship
War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
AMBROSE BIERCE

God Place Teaching War

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

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