Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
AMBROSE BIERCEAge, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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The covers of this book are too far apart.
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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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